Facing Motherhood – The Art of Losing Yourself and Making a Comeback

I never knew how hard being a mom really is until I became one. I mean, when I was expecting, people told me that, “you’re going to be a great mom” and “being mom is the best thing ever!” and sure, I had some friends and family tell me that labor sucks, contractions hurt, and expect to get no sleep, but no one really tells you all the hard sh*t about to go down in your life once that baby arrives. Maybe it’s because no one wants to scare you, and maybe all the fun, happy memories that you have with your baby make you forget all the pain and change you go through. Or maybe it’s like a “coming of age” thing, but for motherhood, like, let’s not share all the sh*tty stuff so other women that have not had children will want to become moms too, and then we can all share all the good and bad experiences and bond over it later. Haha.

I do wish I would have asked more questions so I could properly prepare vs going through some really rough times that made me feel alone and lost. But then again, you don’t know what you don’t know. I know that in general, a lot of change that happens at once triggers my anxiety and also makes me a very cranky person that takes it out on the husband (sorry, babe!). I feel like had I been more mentally prepared, I would have been able to enjoy the beginning stages of motherhood so much more.

If you have been following me on instagram, you would have seen my story of the struggles I went through trying to adjust to motherhood and being a working mom.

Long story short is that all the change that happened in what seemed overnight, got the best of me. I changed into a completely different person when I had my daughter, part of which was good, it was the innate motherly instincts that kicked in that helped me care and nurture my child, but the other part was ugly. The ugly part was that I completely stopped taking care of myself in many ways. My mental health was the worst it had ever been and my physical health was almost as bad.

I had completely LOST myself. I lost my identity. I lost sight of my goals in life. I lost sight of who I was and all the things that truly made me happy. At first, it was super easy to lose focus on myself, especially when my main focus was keeping a little human alive all while being sleep deprived! However, after the “newborn stage” was over and I was finally getting a little more sleep, I was still always on edge, anxious, and irritable. Now, my immediate family would tell you that I’m a naturally moody person anyway, but I was on another level, and I didn’t know how to fix it. I had been going through the motions to survive another day as a mom and wife vs settling in to momhood, soaking in all the moments, taking each day as a day to learn and improve, and also have a mental and physical check to help me thrive during that time. I realized that I had not been taking care of myself, nor was I prioritizing my mental and physical health. By not prioritizing some selfcare, I was NOT at my best, and therefore, I was caring to survive vs caring to thrive.

I was at the surviving stage for quite some time. As a first time mom, I thought going back to work 2 weeks after having a baby was a good idea. NOT a good idea! I would not recommend it to anyone — I couldn’t even f*cking walk after having our daughter! Anyway, if becoming a first time mom, trying to keep our baby alive and fed (was trying to exclusively breastfeed, which later I had to supplement formula because she wasn’t gaining weight) wasn’t enough on my plate, I added my career back. Cue the trainwreck….

I couldn’t deal! I cried and cried. I cried because I couldn’t feed my baby with just breastfeeding. I cried because I couldn’t sleep. I cried because my vagina was torn in half and I couldn’t walk and didn’t feel like I was ever going to feel normal! I cried because I wanted a career, but I so desperately just wanted to be home with my baby at all times. I cried about the mom guilt. I cried when my husband didn’t understand why I was crying. I cried when he didn’t adjust to being a dad/family man right away. I cried because I wasn’t myself, and I didn’t know how to get back to being me.

After hitting what I’m calling my “rock bottom” of the surviving stage, I had an epiphany. I was once a person with a ton of personality, interests, and a social life before I had a baby. I was goal-driven and enjoyed doing so many activities like working out, spending time with family and friends, traveling, etc. I realized that I needed to get a part of me back, NOT all of me back, because part of me had changed for the better — you know, the mother and wife part. But the other part, the ME part… I needed to get that part back again!

Welcome to the thriving stage…

So I did something. I started to “date” myself again, you know, to get to know ME and fall in love with myself all over again. My thinking was and still is, if I can’t learn to love myself and be the best me, how can I truly love and care for others? How can I show my daughter how to love and take care of herself and what a strong woman looks like? Well, I started by doing activities that I knew I liked before I was married and before I was a mom and evaluated if I still enjoyed it. I tried new things to see if any of those things stuck. I started making goals and really evaluating careerwise what made me happy. I made time for myself (even if it was just 10 mins to breathe, go on a run, or do my hair/makeup uninterrupted) and tried to figure out how to manage being all the things (wife, mom, bossbabe, friend, sister, daughter, etc).

I started to take control! When I learned to only control what I can, my anxiety started to subside. I was finally being proactive vs reactive. I was making my comeback! It’s taken me over 2 years to finally get back to normal/new normal. I love myself again, and love all the roles I play in life. I’ve learned how to embrace change and manage coping with sudden change as well as rolling with the punches. I’ve learned that I needed to invest in “ME time” in order to be at my BEST because my family and friends deserve the BEST version of me. I learned that I need to find a balance, which frankly, I’m still working on and taking it day-by-day and will talk about another day.

But I’m finally making my comeback! Stronger and better than ever, both mentally and (getting there) physically.

To all the moms and expecting moms out there, motherhood is THE BEST, but can sometimes bring out the worst, and that sh*t is HARD! You will struggle, you will cry, you will be so happy in a way you can’t put into words, and you will create some of the best memories. But here’s my advice to you, take care of yourself, so you can take care of others. Your health (mentally and physically) is your wealth. Be true to yourself, find yourself if you feel lost, and make your comeback! Love yourself and all that you are! And lastly, anything is possible; embrace the journey.

With Love and a Little Bit of Sparkle,
💕✨ Christine